Wizard of Yu script
by Tiggerola
Summary: Yusuke wakes up in the strange land of Yu, while wearing a blue dress and ruby red slippers!
1. Chapter 1

Yusuke: WHY AM I WEARING A FREAKIN' DRESS?

[Yusuke is standing in his bedroom, looking down at a blue and white dress.]

Puu: PUU!

[Small Puu comes waddling into the room.]

Yusuke: What happened to you? You're small again. And since when do you walk? You always used those big dopey ears to fly.

Puu: Puu.

[Puu trips on an ear and falls down. Yusuke picks up Puu with a confused look.]

Yusuke: Come to think of it, last night was pretty weird… [images fade into flashback] …I said no to the arcades… [images fade back to present] …but if so does that mean? [freak] I did something I shouldn't have and now I've woken up in a place I don't know how I got here next to someone I don't know?!?

Chipper Voice: Bingo, bingo! You win the prize!

Yusuke: [under breath] No way…

[Yusuke puts Puu down on the bed and opens the door where blinding colors shine in. Ogres are running everywhere in a frenzy. Yusuke steps outside.]

Yusuke: Well at least I know where I am now.

Chipper Voice: [chuckling]

[I giant pink bubble, that the chuckling is coming from, floats through the air towards Yusuke and pops as it hits the ground, with Botan springing out, floating on an oar.]

Botan: Heehee. Hello!

Yusuke: So what's up in Spirit World?

Botan: [confused] Spirit World? What's that?

Yusuke: Enough games. You know very well that's where you're from.

Botan: I'm from the Northern Lands.

Yusuke: And where do you call where we are now?

Botan: Ogre-land. Aren't the ogres that live here so cute?

Yusuke: You got to be kidding me.

Botan: You're not from around here are you?

Yusuke: [sarcastic] Gee, What was your first clue?

Botan: hmm… [thoughtful] I think you're skin-tone tipped me off.

[Yusuke anime-falls then gets up with a growl and x-mark on his face.]

Botan: Now calm down. [laughs] The ogres sent word and I came as quick as I could. You ought to be congratulated!

Yusuke: Congratulated? For what?

Botan: For bringing about the death of the nasty Tyrant Akashi!

Yusuke: [lost] When did I do that?

Botan: From what I gather, when you arrived. Look back inside your room.

[Yusuke turns to look back inside the house he came from and in the center of the room is a bed with a blue corpse of Mr. Akashi on top.]

Yusuke: [disgusted] Now how did that happen?

Botan: I believe when your room came crashing down and smashed him.

Yusuke: If I smashed him, then why is he on the inside?

Botan: [shrugs, happy] Must have blown right through your floor! You must be a pretty good wizard to pull that one off!

Yusuke: Wizard? I'm no wizard.

Botan: So you are a witch then? If I were you, I'd consider a title upgrade!

Yusuke: I'm not that either!

Botan: Then what are you?

Yusuke: Delinquent, monster, punk, discharged Spirit Detective…take your pick.

[Botan looks confused then pulls a book from her kimono sleeve. After rummaging through the pages she scans down a page with her finger then stops.]

Botan: hmm…AH! I see. "A Detective—someone who solves mysteries." We're in luck then; the Land of Yu has great need of you!

Yusuke: Land of Yu? I don't know what you're talking about, but you should look up 'discharged' while you're at it. I'm not solving any more of your cases!

[A sudden boom explodes nearby with lots of smoke. The ogres that have been running all stop and grovel on the ground. The smoke clears to reveal Mr. Iwamoto.]

Botan: [whispering] It looks like the Evil Iwamoto has heard of Tyrant Akashi's demise as well.

Mr. Iwamoto: What sort of uprising has been going on here? I smell the need of discipline! [sees Yusuke] What have we here? A cockroach?!

Yusuke: Nice to see you again too old man…or not.

Mr. Iwamoto: It looks like I'll have to teach you some respect!

[Mr. Iwamoto swings a punch at Yusuke who jumps to dodge and lands on the open door. He looks down at Mr. Iwamoto then jumps again, kicking Mr. Iwamoto in the back of his neck. Mr. Iwamoto falls to the ground.]

Yusuke: Sorry. I don't have time for your lessons.

Mr. Iwamoto: [groans, then sees inside the room] Akashi…the Demon Slippers! They'll be mine now!

[Mr. Iwamoto crawls over to the bed but Mr. Akashi's corpse vaporizes as he pulls himself up there. Mr. Iwamoto looks around in shock and pounds the bed in anger.]

Mr. Iwamoto: Where did they go? NO!

Botan: [chuckling] It's no use, the Demon Slippers already found a new owner.

Mr. Iwamoto: What?!

[Botan points to Yusuke's feet.]

Botan: There they are and there they'll stay.

[Botan laughs as an angry Yusuke slides behind her and hits her in the back of the head.]

Yusuke: Well Thank You! Now I have these tacky pumps to remind me I'm STILL in a stupid freakin' ugly dress!

Botan: YOU JERK! What's the big idea hitting someone who just saved you!

Yusuke: Saved nothing! You have me dolled up like some little girl. How does that save anyone?!

Mr. Iwamoto: Heh, those slippers are obviously with someone who does not appreciate them. Give them to me, boy!

Yusuke: What? You like drag? Here you can have them!

[Yusuke tries to pull off a Demon Slipper but it won't budge.]

Botan: I said that's where they'll stay.

Yusuke: Great. So you mean I'm stuck with them?

Mr. Iwamoto: [sinisterly] Oh, there is another way we can fix that. After all they departed from Akashi.

Botan: [even more sinisterly] Yes, remember the Tyrant, Evil Iwamoto. You know this young wizard can do to you what he did to him!

Mr. Iwamoto: True, and in possession of the Demon Slippers, he can do so ten times worse now. You win this round cockroach, but watch your back. I'll get you, and you're little blue penguin too!

[Mr. Iwamoto grabs Puu off of the bed and throws it out the door.]

Puu: PUUUUUU!!!

[After Puu clears, Mr. Iwamoto is gone.]

Botan: Oh dear, new to Yu and already made some bitter enemies.

Yusuke: Yeah, thanks to you!

Botan: Well, the only thing to do now is visit the Wizard!

Yusuke: [exhausted] Nothing phases you does it?

Botan: All you have to do is follow Snake Way to Spirit City and ask to speak with the Wizard of Yu.

Yusuke: Can I get a change of clothes?

Botan: What do you need that for?

Yusuke: Because right now I look like a girl!

Botan: Well, I have an extra kimono…or there are ogre loincloths around here if you think you can fit into one.

Yusuke: How's that gonna help my image?!

Botan: There will be more clothes in Spirit City. [remembering] Oh! And [kisses Yusuke's forehead] tell them I sent you.

Yusuke: [rubbing forehead] Ew! What was that for?

Botan: The Wizard usually does not see visitors, but my kiss will let them know you're official and all that. [floats away] Tata!

Yusuke: Wait! [growls] Oh great. Well, I guess we better get started, Puu.


	2. Chapter 2

[Yusuke and Puu walk along Snake Way until they reach a field of corn.]

Yusuke: A corn maze?

Voice From Above: Corn? Maize? Isn't that a bit redundant?

[Yusuke looks up to see Kurama, hanging on a pole, wearing a straw hat, plaid shirt, and patched jeans.]

Yusuke: Kurama?

Kurama: You know my name? You must be very smart; I have been pondering that question all day.

Yusuke: What are you doing up there?

Kurama: I was hoping you would know.

Yusuke: Well let's get you down.

[Yusuke picks up Puu and tosses him. Puu lands on the pole and picks at the string that has one wrist tied.]

Kurama: Thank you, it's not very comfortable up here, as I'm sure you can imagine.

Yusuke: You said 'corn maze' was redundant, since when is corn a maze? I'm lost.

[Puu walks along the pole to Kurama's other wrist to peck off the other tie.]

Kurama: Since the natives of the American continent were discovered, I believe.

[Puu finishes tearing off the ties. Kurama begins to fall and starts waving his arms.]

Kurama: Feet! Feet!

[Kurama falls forward and sticks his hands out. Plants shoot from his shirt sleeves to brace him from his fall. The plants withdraw, easing Kurama down until he is upside-down with the top of his hat on the ground and his feet, still tied, are sticking up around the pole. Puu jumps down and lands on Kurama's legs and starts pecking at the feet ties.]

Yusuke: Are you okay, man?

Puu: Puu! Puu, puu.

[Kurama flips over as his legs are freed. Puu jumps and lands on Kurama's hat as he sits upside-up.]

Kurama: Yes. Thank you. I wish I was smarter. Then I would have known to tell you to untie the feet first.

Yusuke: Smarter? Kurama, you are one of the smartest guys I know!

Kurama: Oh you don't understand. I don't have a brain. When they made me, they never gave me one.

Yusuke: This is insane. But I guess I know others without brains that think they are smart.

[Kurama stands up and Puu tumbles to the ground.]

Kurama: How may I repay you're kindness, sir?

Yusuke: Sir? I'm Yusuke, you know me!

Kurama: I do? Forgive me for not remembering. If I had a brain, I would have been able to retain such valuable information.

Yusuke: Well, I'm on my way to Spirit City, do you know how much farther that is?

Kurama: Spirit City? By what route are you traveling?

Yusuke: Snake Way.

Kurama: Which is where we are? Then I imagine if we continue to follow this path, we will get there sooner than if we were to diverge.

Yusuke: But the path is covered up by all this corn. Is there a way through?

Kurama: It may be hard, but the path can still be detected. [remembering] Oh. I think I remember what I'm supposed to do here. [clears throat] Welcome to Maize Castle.

Yusuke: What?

Kurama: I believe I was made to be a guide.

Yusuke: How are you supposed to guide while you were tied up to a pole?

Kurama: That is a good question. Hmm…I could see the other end while I was up that high. There is another beacon at the other end. That way you do not need to be lost in the middle, I should think, if you can see where you want to go.

Yusuke: Well, I guess we better get started through these stalks.


	3. Chapter 3

_[Yusuke, Kurama, and Puu make their way through Maize Castle until they come to an area with a small cottage made of corn stalks. A metal statue of Hiei stands nearby, in position to summon the Dark Flame.]_

Yusuke: Well, well, if only Hiei could see this.

Kurama: Hiei?

Yusuke: Oh come on, you guys use to pillage together, don't you remember.

Kurama: I do not recall any pillaging; I apologize for any inconveniency that we may have caused.

Yusuke: It's in the past now. If I didn't know any better, I'd say this statue had amazing life-like quality to it.

Hiei: [statue muffled] Hn.

Yusuke: [_shocked_] Did you just hear the statue make noise?

Kurama: Perhaps it is motion-censored?

Hiei: [statue muffled] Hn.

_[Yusuke waves a hand in front of the statue's face and then bangs on the head. There is a hollow echo. Yusuke shrugs.]_

Hiei: [statue muffled, angry] Hnnnnn. Foo-

Yusuke: Whoa. Well, if Botan is in a bubble and you're a scarecrow, could this really be Hiei?

Kurama: There does seem to be deposits of rust around the joints.

_[Yusuke and Kurama investigate around the Hiei-statue. After circling around, Yusuke notices the buttons up the front are plastic with different inscriptions.]_

Yusuke: Hey Kurama, you know how to push Hiei's buttons?

Kurama: Why do you ask?

Yusuke: Because I can't decide between pushing "tease about sister" or "comment on lack-of-height."

Kurama: [_looking at buttons_] Perhaps we should try the one about "saying the word 'hot'"?

Yusuke: That settles it, we'll push all three!

_[Yusuke pushes the top, middle, and bottom buttons. Steam fumes out of Hiei's hat. The joints squeak as they are forced into movement. Hiei reaches for his sword, pulls it out, swings it, then holds it under Yusuke's throat.]_

Hiei: Say your last words; and they better be good!

Yusuke: Whoa! It really is Hiei.

Hiei: Of course I am, you fool!

_[Hiei starts swinging his sword at Yusuke. Yusuke keeps his eye on the blade, continually dodging the strikes. Then Yusuke lifts his arm and closes his fingers together, stopping Hiei's blade.]_

Yusuke: Sharp as ever, I see.

Kurama: I am relieved that we were able to free you from your stationary stature.

Hiei: Hn. That's no excuse to be pushing buttons.

Yusuke: So why were you standing there all rusted up?

Hiei: I was about to destroy some fool who insulted my Jagan eye when they threw corn cobs at me. The kernels popped from the intense heat of my attack and gummed up my joints with time and decay to add to the effect. I suppose now you two will have to do on facing my wrath.

_[Hiei poses as if to summon the dragon.]_

Yusuke: Whoa! Have a heart, we're your friends!

Hiei: Hn. I don't have "friends," those are a crutch for the weak. And I don't have a heart; I'm the perfect fighting machine without feelings.

Yusuke: I bet if you come with us to Spirit City, the Wizard would give you a heart.

Hiei: And why would I need such a meaningless object?

_[Yusuke grabs a corn cob from a nearby stalk and fiddles with it.]_

Yusuke: It would keep all this corn from gumming up your gears, we are in a corn maze right now. So much for the "perfect fighting machine."

_[Hiei folds his arms with a growl.]_

Hiei: Very well. I'll go with you until we are out of this maize, but once we reach this wizard, our alliance will end.

Yusuke: Fair enough, I suppose. Let's get going.


End file.
